I want to blog, I really do. I used to be a writer... of sorts. I wrote in journals. All the time. I have hundreds of them.... somewhere. I used to write everything, I would write song lyrics, thoughts, ideas, angry rantings, stoned realizations, epiphanies brought on by heartache, frustrations about life and work and family and cancer and death and love. I wrote. I wrote a lot.
I want to blog. I really do. The part for me that is difficult, is the sharing. Y'see, no one has ever read those journals but me. No one knows my deepest, darkest, most emotional and most intense feelings and secrets. I keep those locked in. I keep a huge wall up. The only thing people who "know" me, really know about me is that I am funny, emotional, passionate, wild, loud, and a little crazy. Yea, I am those things. BUT (& that's a huge BUT- there's a joke in there somewhere)... I AM SO MUCH MORE!
I am a story teller. I try to tell people about me, but they don't listen. I have tried to show people who I am but they don't see me. I have loved people so deeply and was hurt every time. I, in turn, have closed myself off to them all. Now, I have a role I play. I am the puppet, or am I the puppeteer? Or am I just the poor schmuck who wants to blog, but is afraid to?
I want to blog. I really do.
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